Thursday, 7 May 2009

Russ Abbott saves lives

A lot of people used to come up to me and say "Isn't it a shame that Nick Drake killed himself", and I won't lie to you, it became a bit tiresome, especially since I didn't know who Nick Drake was (or who the people coming up to me were). But after borrowing Pink Moon and listening to him effortlessly guide his mellifluous vocals over flute-rich melodies like some beautiful sonic ninja, I now have to admit that it would be okay if Nick Drake were not dead (although there is the possibility that the standard of his future work may slip markedly and I would feel slightly aggrieved for having wished him alive again.)

Nick Drake: Deader Layter

I'll level with you, I can't bring Nick Drake back from the dead: I just don't have that sort of power.

But what I can and have done is combined good music technology with great British comedy to create an invention that may well make acoustic singer-songwriter suicides a thing of the past. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Russ Abbot MadcapOTM.

Capo: Functional, not fun

Above you see a standard capo, which is used to alter the pitch of a guitar, in case you didn't know that already. In the picture below you can see the Russ Abbot MadcapOTM, the result of over 1,000 man hours, reams of blueprint, countless meetings with people of science, endless vats of coffee drunk, and too many "eureka - oh no, wait, that doesn't work at all" moments to count.

Russ Abbott MadcapOTM: Potential lifesaver

By simply attaching the Russ Abbot MadcapOTM to a normal acoustic guitar, not only is the key of the instrument changed, but also the mood of the player. To put it another way, the fretboard is immediately transformed into a don't fretboard. Had the late Nick Drake looked down to see the cheeky face of comedian Russ Abbott, all thoughts of suicide would surely have dissipated in an instant to be replaced by the giddy excitement that comes with wondering what zany antics Russ Abbott is going to get up to next (on your guitar).

If you'd like to order a Russ Abott MadcapOTM, please send me £10.99 + £4.99 p&p. I take PayPal and envelopes of cash.

Advantages: Zany, madcap, a good laugh, will reduce suicide rate of singer-songwriters, probably to zero.

Disadvantages: Quite difficult to play A minor, E minor and several other chords while attached

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