Friday, 22 May 2009

Pug, fug, dug, jug...

Inspired by funny poetry man John Hegley, My friend Lisa K Whalley and I decided to write some poems about dogs.

Here is one Lisa wrote:

Struck Off
Now that fox hunting is illegal
What will happen to the poor old Beagle?


So impressed was I by LKW's lovely little rhyme that I came up with one of my own, with the specific aim of reassuring LKW about the future employability of the Beagle, because I know she worries about it a lot, and I don't want it to affect her own work (in the field of laser-Science) in some sad cross-species employment-specific irony. Here is my poem:

Jobs for Beagles
Don't worry poor Beagle,
'bout the work situation,
You've always a job
in animal experimentation
















Beagle: Between jobs/lazy?

I don't really advocate the use of Beagles in animal experimentation, but astronaut didn't rhyme with "situation" and I couldn't think of any other jobs at the time and my tea was nearly ready and it was fish fingers so I didn't want them to go cold. Also, before ruling out vivisection, one has to ask how hard has that Beagle been looking for other jobs in the last six months.

Job Centre Employee: So, Mr Beagle - can I call you Jeremy? - what sort of work have you actually been looking for?

Beagle: -

Job Centre Employee: It says on your form you had an interview at WH Smiths. How did that go?

Beagle: -

Job Centre Employee: Okay, well since you haven't actually found a job on your own in the last six months you're going to have to do one of the ones I offer you or face losing your benefits...

Beagle: -

Job Centre Employee: Okay, we've got vivisection or...let's see...can you operate a fork lift truck?


Why don't you go ahead and write a poem about a dog now? Have you anything better to do? If you do a really good one I might even publish it on this page: imagine the pride.
Tip: not much rhymes with Giant Schnauzer.



2 comments:

  1. I'd rather house a Schnauzer
    Than Lieutenant Mauser
    But I'd have a bulge in my trouser
    For Doogie Howser (MD)

    (If I was gay and that)

    ...falls a bit short, don't you think?

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  2. There once was a girl and a collie,
    who wanted to make lots of lolly,
    they twirled and they leapt,
    then the profits they kept,
    and now Kate and Gin both drink bolly.

    An ode to a dream dancing partnership - and long may it continue....

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