What Zelda from Terrahawks Looks Like Now Will make your Jaw Drop

Anyone who grew up in the 1980s will know what a striking-looking woman Zelda was. And by striking we mean striking FEAR (into your heart)!!! Every [whatever day it was on] children would gather round the 14-inch teletext television that their parents had won on Bullseye, drink a can of Lilt and watch Terrahawks, a space puppet show by Thunderbirds creator Pamela Anderson. And whenever martian space-witch Zelda came on the screen every last child would do a literal shit in their literal pants. She was just that fucking ugly. Just look at her (and then change your pants when you've literally shit them).


After three series and 39 episodes, Terrahawks - and Zelda's putrid mug - disappeared from the nation's TV screens. It is only recently that Zelda has re-emerged, and fans have been shocked by the world-conquering troll's transformation.





Despite having aged 40 years since she was last on TV, everyone's favourite evil hag actually looks 10 years younger, and though she has now clocked up 947 space-years, the intergalactic harridan looks no older than 70! Just look at her (below): not so much Terrahawk as TerraPHWOARk!


She puts her unlikely rejuvenation down to her rigorous exercise regime (twittering about immigrants and bouncing about between viewer-hungry second-rate dayime TV shows) and her diet of public outrage. However, not everyone is shocked by Zelda's outlandish comments - which include "People from Neptune are cockroaches", "Jupiter is only so big because it's lazy" and "White holes matter too": in fact she has amassed over 850,000 followers on twitter!
"Everyone used to say I was the ugliest, most insane puppet," says Zelda, "but now I have nearly a million people competing for that title!".



Zelda is currently appearing on the West End in her one-woman show "Holocaust, what Holocaust?".



Next time on the Cube: Celebrities who ended  up being druggy prostitutes, or some shit.

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