Thursday, 29 April 2010

Vote Cube

I've decided to stand in the upcoming election - I trust it is not too late and that this blog is a administratively sound means of entering the race. Without further ado, here is the manifesto of the Cube Party.


Stricter discipline to be enforced in schools. BY ROBOTS. Class sizes to be smaller - achieved by sending ten children from each class to work in a factory below the school repairing and maintaining robot teachers/support staff.

Off to a flyer: Cube election campaign


(Please do not read next part if you are an enemy of the UK) Get rid of Trident missile system, but (shhh!) pretend to still have Trident missile system. Achieve this by employing Eastern European immigrants, who will spend 6-month stints under water and their shore leave reciting from the following script:

SUBMARINER 1: Oh, I love working on the Trident submarine with the missiles that we have still got

SUBMARINER 2: Yes, I like that too, especially the bit about still having Trident

This system will please would be Tory voters, because it will mean that all the dirty immigrants are kept hidden deep beneath the sea for all but a few weeks a year.
Also, better tanks and body armour to be delivered to our brave troops. BY ROBOTS.

The Elderly

The elderly to be looked after around the clock. BY ROBOTS. Robots will be programmed to turn piss into affordable heating and nod in time to racist comments.


Pretty much sort economy out. Get rid of recession. With ROBOTS if necessary.


Police to spend more time on beat. Also police force to be staffed entirely BY ROBOTS.

I think that is all the main points covered. Critics of the Cube Party manifesto may point towards its heavy reliance on robots, but to those people I say "WTF, can you tell me a problem that can't be solved by robots. No I didn't think so."

I have to run now if I want to make it to the TV debate. I leave you with my party election slogan, the result of thousands of pounds worth of PR:

Don't be a pube - vote Cube.

I know what you're thinking, it sounds nonsensical - that what thought when I first read it. But read it again and ask yourself "Do I want to be a pube?" I think you'll find the answer is "no". Vote Cube on May 6, people.

This was a party election blog brought to you by the Cube Party

Let's see how many people I can trick onto the site...Oh, and reem al numery


  1. Makes more sense than any of the other twats

  2. Affirmative. Best policy I've seen so far.

  3. This manifesto actually makes more sense than the real ones lol!

  4. Anything with robots makes life better. FACT.

    Oh apart from T-1000. He was quite bad. Oh yeah. Cylons were pretty nasty now I come to think about it. Megatron too and Ash from Alien and Mechagodzilla.

    Anyway, there's always R2D2 to redress the balance. He's lovely. He hid a midget from the nazis for years inside himself for years. I think...

  5. How are post-election talks going? Will you side with Conservatives or Labour?

  6. Clare - I will side with the Tories long enough to lull them into a false sense of security that blinds them to their imminent extermination. BY ROBOTS.

  7. Sull - you're quite right about R2-D2. He had inside him a little chap who spent his time writing a diary called The Diary of Kenny Baker. Another R2-D2 fact: when R2-D2 has three legs rather than two, he is disposing of sewage.