I just looked at my watch and it turns out it's October. It doesn't seem like two minutes since my last post, but in fact it has been more like three months. Sorry to leave you with no fun in your lives for such a length of time, but I have not been lazy during that period, for I have spent many of the hours betwixt the last post and this inventing this game for the computer. It is called Gary Barlow's Patience.
It's quite a lot like the game Patience, or Solitaire as you will know it if you are American or a retard. But Patience with a twist, for in this version you are offered helpful hints by Patience singer Gary Barlow of Brit Award-winning pop group Take That. Gary, whose hits include "Sure", "Relight my Fires" and "Backs are Good" will guide you along the way as you sit for hours in the library preventing a student from gaining access to a PC to print off his dissertation.
Among the gems of advice offered by side-partinged Gary, 42, are:
"Black two on red three: BLACK TWO ON RED THREE!"
"Put that two on the Ace"
"RED SEVEN ON BLACK EIGHT" I'M NOT SHOUTING! I'm just saying!"
If at any point Gary suspects you are becoming annoyed by his advice (your annoyance will be measured by a Wii controller) he will break into his chart-topping song "Have a little Patience". And you will get an electric shock through your Wii-controller, if technology has come that far by the time I send the idea to the software house.
Gary, 37, whose hits include "How deep is love", "Angels" and "Let me Entertain You" said, of the game, "You'd best 'have a little patience' whan you play me, Gary Barlow's, Patience." Then he went to Greggs the bakers. I think he was getting scones.
If anybody out there is good at computer programming and can help make Gary's mouth talk please go ahead and do so and I will share some of the money with you.
I leave you with father-of-children Gary, along with his Boyzone bandmates, singing "Patience" at the launch party of the game, live from the future: