Thursday, 10 December 2009


MOTHER: Merry Christmas Tommy. Open up your present.

TOMMY: I've opened it. WTF?

MOTHER: It's a Go Go Hamster! Do you like it?

TOMMY: No, it is well gay. I wanted a PS3.

MOTHER: But Tommy, it is the must-have toy this year. Television sa
ys so!

TOMMY: It is cheap and shit. All th
e kids at school will call me a scrubber. You could at least have got me
some nunchuks.

MOTHER: Look at its little pink nose!

TOMMY: I hate you.

In case you've been on the moon for the last month, this is a Go Go Hamster, and you have to buy it for your child this year or you are a bad parent.

Luckily for you it only costs a tenner, you cheap twat a great price particularly in these economically challenging times. On the downside, it might give you cancer (depending on which day of the week you read about it in the paper).
But really, "the must-have gift"? It seems that the media has a rather big say in exactly what parents should buy their kids for Christmas, so with that in mind, I'm off to befriend someone in media and see if they will help me promote the toy I've recently developed: transsexual war figure Action Tran. Click on the image below to make it bigger.

Action Tran. Marketed in America as G.I. Ho

If I don't see you before, Merry Christmas Cubefans!

PS I just want money this year.


  1. Action Tran - ace!

    How about the "Bob the Builder on disability" playset? Bob puts his back out lifting a brick and then spend 15 years on the sick, complete with cab licence and on-the-sly-handyman tools.

  2. Luckily Robbo, you already know someone in the media! I will shamelessly promote Action Tran for you in the pages of the Sunday Express, but I want a cut of the profits.

  3. Give her one of those splendid hamsters.

    By the way I meant to tell you how sad it is to be your own follower, or a bit mental...

  4. Clare: Awesome. I believe the Sunday Express has an even greater readership than The Cube, so I will gladly split the Action Tran profits with you if you write a feature on it. This time next year we could be millionaires!

  5. Agent Nightingale: Like the BtB playset idea. Re: why I became a follower of the Cube: it was to see if it would send me an email alerting me to new posts. Alas, it did not, so I remain unsure of exactly when I have written a new post, unfortunately...

  6. Oh my god, how on earth do you know to visit yourself when you've written something which you might need to know about? It could just pass you by...

  7. Half my class got Go Go Hamsters for Christmas. They love the furry little mo-fos; can't get enough of them. It would seem the media did a fine job in their promotion of 2009's 'must-have' Christmas toy.