Deadly Fist

Steven Seagal is on TV right now. Have you any idea how lethal that guy looks on a 40-inch TV screen? I'll tell you: pretty fucking lethal. The film that's on right now is called "Attack Force", and from what I've seen of it so far you would not want to get in the way of that attack force, or you would probably get twatted quite badly. Anyway, armed with the knowledge of the names of some of Segal's masterpieces ("Out for Justice", "Exit Wounds", "Half Past Dead" and "Urban Justice", to name but a few, I sometimes like to play a game called "Make up names of films that Steven Seagal could be in".
Here are a few:

Justice by Death
Knock Knock, You're Dead
Fists of Justice
Hammer Kick III: Death Foot
Killed to Death
Hey Mom - Dad's a ninja! (New direction - family comedy to be released at Christmas)

Steven Seagal: "I will teach you a lesson...of violence."

Why don't you play my game, dear reader. Go on, post your own Seagal film ideas in the comments field. But, be warned, if you come up with any ideas that are better than mine I will do the hardest karate chop ever in your face.

To motivate the hell out of you to play my game, here is the man himself being a badass but also totally profound. We can all learn from this beautiful spiritual ninja.


  1. He might have fists of death, but why does he need to beat up a helpless OAP? Shame on Mr. Seagull. Have a look at 1:40 - I reckon my nan could have had a good go at that old duffer.

  2. There is, of course, the risk that you nan might fall in love with that old duffer. He is quite a racist old duffer, but then aren't all grandparents? If he does marry your nan, though, please warn him not to cheek off Steven Segals...

  3. You forgot my own personal favourite 'My foot, your face - a love story'. A classic...

  4. I'll look out for that in Blockbusters, Dame Charlie...

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